Photo By: Greg Schroeder
Millie vacuumed up the stinkbugs and dandelion puffs from the carpet, wondering if it was time to move. She paused to flick a cricket from the sofa cushion. Unwanted house guests could be so intolerable, particularly those from her neighborhood, they were all a bunch of animals.
A squirrel couple from down the block had once invited themselves to tea. Millie had a very low opinion of squirrels in general, but these two were an especially rowdy lot, swinging like monkeys from every stick of furniture, stuffing their cheeks full of appetizers. She wasted no time in showing them the door. They seemed unable to find it themselves.
Still, they were no match for the dogs. Like drunks on holiday they were, lifting their legs on everything in sight, always putting their noses in the rudest of places. She caught one of them attempting to hump her sister-in-law in the backyard not a week after she'd moved in. Some housewarming party that turned out to be.
To their credit, when caught, the dogs had looked absolutely mortified about their behavior and had tried to make up for it by setting Millie up on a blind date with the gentleman across the street. It was just Millie's luck that he'd turned out to be a real snake in the grass. Judging by his personality, the guy must have lived his entire life under a rock. He spent the evening coiled up on the cushions, spewing his venom about the sub-par quality of factory-farmed eggs, then began threatening her in her own home. Things got so heated, Millie felt she had no option but to call the police. It was fortunate for all of them that he'd turned out to be unarmed.